When I was trying to moderate and/or quit Cannabis, I constantly gave myself lofty goals. “This week I won’t indulge until Monday,” I told myself, or “I won’t touch my stash until Thursday, Wednesday, or Tuesday.” It was always a multi-day challenge, as I found it difficult to commit to the modest goal of abstaining from Cannabis for just a single day. Part of this struggle was because I understood that one day of sobriety wouldn’t bring significant change; stopping for a few days was necessary to reduce my tolerance and make it worthwhile, make the relapse worthwhile.
Almost every week, I would relapse on Monday evenings, sometimes even at lunchtime.
These relapses often stemmed from unfortunate or unpleasant events during the day. More often than not, it was because I overindulged in food over the weekend. The munchies would get me and I would gorge myself, waking up bloated on Monday. I would these do frequent trip to the bathroom. The pain often led me to go the the dispensary to get a small joint to manage the discomfort and elevate my mood.
Work also provided easy excuses. As a software developer, my job can be fairly stressful at times. There were emergencies, tight deadlines, and the occasional successful deployment of a new feature. Each week had its ups and downs, and every event—both good and bad—was an opportunity to celebrate or mourn with a hit of Ganja. Whenever I lacked motivation and procrastinated, a small hit of Kush seemed like the easiest way to get started. That first puff was like a booster that helped me kick-off any project and remain productive for a few hours.
Every time, I would tell myself the same thing: my goal is too far, too challenging, and I can’t maintain abstinence for a few days. It would be easier to give up and relieve the discomfort.
“One day at a time” may sound clichéd, but I believe it was the mantra I needed during those challenging times. I didn’t need to meet those ambitious multi-day targets. All I needed was to get through the day, to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Each moment of sobriety, no matter how brief, is a victory. The path to sobriety consists of a series of lucid moments, a string of small abstinent instances.
These overly ambitious plans of abstaining for several days were merely setting me up for failure. Each day is a new day, an opportunity to learn how to live without the little green demon. The future isn’t daunting when you take it one day at a time.