I wake up in the middle of the night still high from a late evening hit. I ate too much afterward, my belly is bloated and my bowels hurt a little bit. It’s going to be tough in the morning, I blazed all week-end. I read in bed and fall asleep after a couple of hours. I wake up late feeling sluggish and numb. I will have to go to the washrooms multiple times this morning. While I walk my dog and I tell myself that I shouldn’t smoke this week, and a couple of hours later I roll a small weed cigarette to light up before lunch. Today I even went out to buy another pre-roll at the dispensary; another $5 wasted on a unsatisfying high than does nothing to numb the sadness. Then I head home and hit up the vape.

Spring is coming, it’s time for another try at staying dry.

I need to try something different, I need to get to the bottom of the following question: What is so depressing about my life that I have to get high every day?